Haven Hotel: That's Disengagement!
by KathyPrior42
Summary: Heavily inspired by the many 2p fan art/concepts by DF-Hazbin. Welcome to the Haven Hotel, the oasis of chaos in Heaven! Check in to collect your white-winged key...and let the craziness begin!


A princess with long black hair walked out from a balcony. She wore a black undershirt with a white bow tie on top. A dark teal shirt, long white pants and white high heel shoes completed the look. Her face was white and teal blushes were present on her cheeks. She was the inverted, antithesis of Charlie, the princess of Hell in a parallel world.

"For all my life, I've been taught that all angels have good inside them. But I know that to be a lie. Ever since Lucifer and Lilith, God's closest angels betrayed Him… I don't think I can believe in these flawed teachings anymore…"

The princess was Caroline Egnam, born and raised in Heaven…though she was not at all one would expect her to be in such a place. Self-entitled and pessimistic, nothing much could cheer her up except heavy metal music, rebelling against the rules and the occasional brawl.

"It's inevitable that all those imperfect angels will go to Hell. They deserve to deal with suffering and challenges. Best of all, they wouldn't be bound by social expectations. Heck, I wouldn't be too surprised if it were me. I do enjoy my comfortable life here, just not these restrictions."

Her servants Pub and Chub were fat white cherub angels with horns on their heads, black wings, and black eyes. One held an electric guitar while the other shot out torpedoes from a small cannon.

Outside was a white clock tower standing tall against the blue sky. The numbers read 0 then changed to 365 days. Writing above the numbers read "days until the next cleanse in Hell."

Caroline leaned against the marble balcony and began to sing in a low growl.

("I'm Always Evading Shadows")

_ "At the end of the journey, there's suffering_

_Denying it, how often I've tried_

_But my life's a disgrace_

_Just a slap in the face_

_And the harsh truths have all been denied"_

_"A sliver of despair in this world of light_

_I know this world's not free of sin_

_I search for the good_

_But get misunderstood_

_And reality will always win"_

_"Why have I always been so imperfect?_

_Lost in this brainwashed sea_

_I wonder if the world's to blame_

_I wonder if it could be me"_

_"I'm always evading shadows_

_Trapped, drowning in the social flow_

_Free-will forbidden, my answers are hidden_

_Lying down below"_

_"Some people sugarcoat their speeches_

_I always blab out what I mean_

_I may be cruel but I am no fool_

_Things are never what they seem_

_Believe me"_

_"I'm always evading shadows_

_Waiting for people to awaken_

_In vain"_

A nearby portal opened and out came the Exterminators, bloodstains over their wings and bodies and harpoons. They took off their creepy LED masks, their white angelic faces revealed. One by one, the citizens clapped and cheered. One of the Archangels with four black wings flew up to the front, his spiked halo glowing. He took off his mask, revealing a white face with yellow eyes and fiery red hair.

"Another successful purge," their leader Samael praised. "You cleansed more sinners while still keeping the population in a good balance. Well done, all of you." He cleared his throat and made a cross symbol over his heart. "For the greater good in the name of our Lord."

The angels repeated the phrase.

"Until next year. Dismissed." The Archangel soldiers saluted and then flew off separately to see their families.

All around Caroline, Holy City was basked in a heavenly glow. The city was located up in the sky among the clouds, but no one had to worry about falling, even the ones without their wings out. A large church with the appearance of the Notre Dame Cathedral stood proudly in the city square, made of polished marble. Choirs and songs floated through the stained glass windows as the regular angels went in and out to pray and visit with their neighbors. A large fountain sprouted non-alcoholic wine of a golden color. It had a white statue of Mary and Jesus as a young boy at the top, both with welcoming faces.

The streets were spotless and clean. Roofs and roads were powered by the sun's rays. The Cloud 9 supermarket had endless amounts of food for sale…no one ever had to worry about going hungry. Charity workers and volunteers worked by the dozens, passing out food and bestowing miracles for those who needed them in the lower levels of Heaven.

This version of Heaven was very similar to the Heaven in the realm next door, the one above the familiar Hell with the Hazbin Hotel. Unlike those angels with their blonde hair and red blushes, these angels most often had black hair and teal blushes on their cheeks. Like in the other Heaven, some of the bipedal angels displayed animal-like characteristics: some had heads of doves, others had swan wings and mannerisms. Many of them had fur, ears, and fluffy tails of dogs and wolves. It was the only place where dogs and cats could dance and prance together without conflict. Still a few others had faces of flowers or even objects like harps and musical instruments.

God's Palace was the grandest place of all: it was settled at the highest point of Heaven like Mount Olympus. Only a few angels were allowed to visit there. Seraph angels with six rainbow wings guarded the throne of God as well as the outside of the palace. There were rumors that in the palace gardens, the Tree of Life and the Tree of Knowledge were grown there, heavily protected.

Lucius and Lilian were Caroline's parents, those who took the place of Lucifer and Lilith after they were banished. They were named the new king and queen of heaven, thus Caroline became the princess.

Lucius had a white face, teal blushes on his cheeks and short dark hair. Lucius wore a gray suit with a dark blue bow tie and a black top hat with two white features attacked to the brim. Lilian's hair was long and black, and she, too had the teal blushes and typical angel features. She wore a golden halo crown and an elegant white dress. Both had white wings which could turn black when they were angry or defensive.

Along the street, a red car stopped beside the sidewalk. A tall creature opened the car door and stepped out. The spider angel had a furry dark gray face and body, plus multiple slender arms: six in total. He wore tall boots, green gloves and a shirt with a white bow-tie near the top. His shirt and sleeves had black and dark green stripes. Green dots resembling eyes were located under his eyes.

"Thank you for the ride," said the spider angel.

"No problem, Devil Grit," said the driver Travis, a white furry guy wearing a top hat.

Devil walked over to a vending machine and bought himself a granola bar. He then gave it to a homeless guy leaning against the wall.

He walked inside a building and onto a stage in an auditorium. His opponent was already standing nervously at his spot, a microphone rising from the ground and stopping in front of him.

Sir Anguis was the nervous white snake. He had a white face with large slightly teal eyes with white pupils. He wore a white bow tie with a blue circle in the center below his thin neck. Surrounding his face on a flap of skin were bright teal eyes against dark purple. His suit was light gray with dark purple vertical stripes. Finally, he wore a large light gray top hat with a large green eye moving eye in the center.

The crowd settled into their seats and the debate began.

"Those other brave do gooders will do great with helping me with my presentation. Anyone want to try?"

A couple of hands shot up. Mechanical eggs on robotic legs moved around to help out the white snake lord.

Air Anguis pushed a button and a presentation showed up on a screen titled "Heaven Economics and Invention Ideas."

"I don't like to fight," Sir Anguis said, "and I'm super nervous up here…"

Devil Grit glared at his cowardly opponent who then yelped, "Don't look at me like that!"

"Heaven doesn't need any future technology," Devil Grit argued, "because we already have better things: friendships, food, and fun."

Sir Anguis glanced down nervously at his note cards and read from them. "At this rate I will persuade the entire East end of Holy City by night's beginning. And nothing, not a single beauty in this paradise of bliss, will be able to change my mind or escape the constrictive grasp of persuasive argumentation."

"Heaven will be ours, though it's mine in my mind. And everybody will know the name of…"

"Scared Snake," said a female voice.

"W-who said that?" Sir Anguis asked.

"You ready for a debate, old man?"

The voice belonged to Berri Blossom, the opposite of Cherri Bomb in Hell. She was a tall cyclops with black skin, with a single green eye with a black cross in the center. She wore a long dark green dress and white high heeled shoes. Her black skin was decorated in some areas near her shoulders with tiny teal specks. Her long hair was curly, blue at the top and black near the bottom.

She walked over beside her academic partner Devil Grit. "Why don't you play with your tinker toys somewhere else while I go over the logistics of divine law school?" She looked professional and poised.

"You want to go, madam?" Sir Anguis asked. He flicked his hood back. "Well, let the battle for tenure and status begin!"

A neon logo appeared on the screen, saying "Divine News" surrounded by a halo. The names of the news cast appeared on the bottom of the screen.

"Good afternoon, Holy City!" said a woman with short black hair, wearing a light blue dress. "I'm Catie Carejoy."

"And I'm Ron Wrench," said the man next to her, wearing a business suit and who had a wrench for a head.

After discussing the weather, various humane societies, and legends on Earth, Catie continued, "The debate battle is underway between inventor and conservative coward Sir Anguis and professional economics expert Berri Blossom. Coming up next, we have an exclusive interview with the daughter of His Majesty Lucius, who's here to discuss her brand new passion-project! All that and more after the break!"

Inside the break room, Agatha adjusted Caroline's white bow tie. Nearby, a blue tinted sign read "No smoking." Another sign read "In The Air" in large letters.

"Okay, you remember what to say?" Agatha asked Caroline.

"Yes, I'm ready," Caroline stated.

Agatha brushed her long black hair from her face. Like Vaggie in Hell, Agatha's thick hair extended down to her legs, giving her hair the appearance of moth wings. She had a green cross over her right eye and her left eye was purple with a white pupil. A teal bow was perched on top of her head. Her skin was dark gray and she wore a dark gray crop top with white xs over her breasts. She also wore leggings, her right legging striped dark green and light gray, her left legging light gray.

"Oh this is gonna be great!" Agatha said happily. "How about you make your speech sound more exciting?"

"Come on, Agatha, I know what I'm going to say," Caroline answered, crossing her arms.

Agatha walked over to the pitcher of ambrosia punch on the table. Pub and Chub ate bagels from the table. Agatha got an idea. "Oh! What if you…"

"Sing a song about it?" Caroline asked, with a roll of her eyes. "I'm not going to. This is serious!" She curled her hand into a fist and brought it down on the palm of her other hand. "They won't take me serious if I start belting out some random song. Life isn't a musical."

"But neither is it an emo tragedy," Agatha pointed out. "Life is great, especially with all the cute guys around." Her single purple eye shinned.

"Romance, bleh," Caroline made a face and Agatha giggled.

"Hey," Agatha brightened, pulling out a piece of paper. "I have some ideas about what you could say." She bounced up and down. "The highlighted bits are the best parts!"

"They're _all_ highlighted," Caroline replied, scanning the paper. "You call your childish drawing your ideas for me?"

"Sure!" Agatha said. "Look here." It showed a list of different terms "sinners = winners" "Misunderstood are still good" and "demons and angels party between worlds!" Skulls were lined up at the bottom of the page: "we're all connected by death."

"Say, that's actually pretty good!" Caroline said with a smile of sharp teeth.

"Thanks!" Agatha beamed.

Caroline snatched the piece of paper from her friend and tore it in half, much to her shock. "But you should know my ideas are always better." She tossed the pieces of paper aside, gave a salute and walked out the door.

Catie waved with a smile. "Hello, Caroline. I'm Catie Carejoy." She held out her hand but Caroline didn't take it. Catie continued, pulling her hand back. "So this project of yours, when did you come up with this idea of creating a hotel in order to…break the law as the rumors say?"

The angel crew murmured nervously.

"I'm gonna keep this short," Caroline said. "You might think my idea doesn't hold water, but that doesn't matter to me. I'm too influential to give a flying feather about what some news lady thinks of my proposal."

The crowd gasped. Ron shook his head.

"Well, if you can't take constructive criticism and be polite…"

"…and we're live!" called a voice as a buzzer sounded.

"And we're back!" Catie said, rushing over into her seat. "So, Carrie…"

"It's Princess Caroline Egnam," said Caroline, sitting in a chair beside her and Ron Wrench.

"Sorry. So tell us about your project."

Caroline took a deep breath. "As most of you know, I was born here in Heaven, and growing up, I've always tried to see the good in everything around me. But recently, I don't believe that's always the case. We just completed another Extermination. So many sinful souls lost but for what reason? God said in the Commandments "thou shall not kill," yet killing random people is okay? If we can't even trust ourselves with our actions and thoughts, is Heaven truly paradise? Not to mention that ever since Lucifer and Lilith betrayed Him, we don't know who to really trust. Some people are given too many chances!" She pounded her fist on the desk, startling Catie.

Caroline stood up and made her way forward. "No one is truly flawless. Mistakes are made, but we get blamed for doing things we sometimes enjoy. Sex, drugs, partying, swearing, even violence. All because we don't live up to standards imposed upon us, both here and on Earth! I can't stand idly by while the place I live is subjected to such lies and propaganda! So, I've been thinking…isn't there a more liberating way to hinder forced compliance here in Heaven? Perhaps we can create an alternative way to express change through…recreation?"

The angels talked quietly amongst themselves. Aggy nodded in appreciation.

"Well I think yes," Caroline continued. "So that's what this project aims to achieve." She walked back to the desk and sat down. "Ladies and gentlemen, I'm opening the first of its kind, a hotel that encourages moderate amounts of so-called sin!" She spread out her arms.

The audience stared in stunned silence. Many of the adults were shaking their heads.

"Who is that girl?" asked a dragon watching from inside a soup kitchen. "What's her deal with trying to cause more trouble for this world?"

"She's nuts!" added another angel with an eagle's head and wings, wearing a suit.

Caroline added nervously, "I figure it would serve a purpose…a place to work toward self-expression. Yay."

Among the crowd of angels watching the news outside, a tall man with a thin pale brownish face stood toward the back. He wore a light blue dress suit, had blue and white hair, fluffy deer-like ears, and large blue eyes. He watched the program with a look of worry. A deer creature made of light appeared beside him. A sign posted on the wall showing the same man as a DJ read: "Counseling and good times with the Techno Angel!"

A camera man shook his head at Caroline. Agatha walked up to him and said, "Please give her a chance."

Caroline sighed. "Look, I know every single one of you has insecurities and issues that need not be bottled up. If you could just embrace those sides of yourselves…"

Caroline then smirked. "Maybe I'm not getting through to you."

Agatha clapped her hands and "ooohed" in excitement as Rub and Chub got the electric guitar ready.

Caroline showed a pair of sharp white teeth and black horns emerged from her head. Black feathery wings sprouted from her back and an X appeared over her right eye. A harpoon appeared in her right hand and blue curved horns emerged from her wavy black hair. She posed over the desk and began.

("Inside of Every Angel is a Monster")

_ "I have a dream_

_I'm here to tell_

_About a fantastic mind-blowing hotel_

_One of a kind, go and yell_

_A great place to dwell_

_Catering to specific clientele"_

_*Guitar starts and scream vocals*_

_"Inside of every angel is a monster_

_Inside of every do-gooder is a sinner_

_Inside of every jolly go-lucky mentality_

_Is a subconscious portion that's always dimmer"_

_"Resist all the rules_

_You're not passive fools!_

_With just a little time_

_Down at the Hazbin Hotel!"_

_"So all you rescuers, priests, and heroes_

_Gifted athletes, jocks, and cheerios_

_And the sheep citizens, relief is here!_

_All of you angels, leaders, and stars_

_Traditionalists with fancy cars_

_And the activists on Mars_

_Show no fear_

_No taboos, no laws_

_Embrace your flaws_

_You'll be truly free_

_Check in with me_

_It's the right path, you'll see"_

_"There'll be no more pressure_

_And no more status quo_

_Just friendship, fun, and endless bags of dough_

_Establishment put to rest_

_You'll be like, "Yes!"_

_Once you check in with me!_

_"So all your hierarchies, GMOs, politics, and isms_

_Lectures, labor standards, and diamond studded prisms_

_Ancient Indian elitisms_

_All must die"_

_"All you fantasizers, artists, servers, and lords_

_Spoiled children, winners of awards_

_Imposers of chores_

_Face your fear!"_

_"Be who you are_

_And you'll go so far_

_Our service will raise the bar_

_You'll be the star_

_Come from near or afar at the Hazbin Hotel!_

_Yeah!"_

"Wow," said an angel in a top hat. "That was…alright."

The crowd clapped half-heartedly.

Catie shook her head. "What in the Nine Circles makes you think a single denizen of Heaven would give two feathers about becoming a bad person? You have no proof that your little experiment even works! You want people to disobey God and the rules just…because?!"

Caroline lifted up her head. "Well, we have a patron already who believes in our cause."

"And who might that be?" Catie asked.

"Oh just someone named…Devil Grit."

"The grumpy old spider?" asked Ron Wrench.

"He's not old," argued Catie. "He just acts older than he is."

"Anyway," said Catie to Caroline. "You couldn't even get that guy to do something bad, even if a gun was pointed at his head."

"Oh I beg to differ," Caroline argued. "He's been troubled, dirty, and having conflicted thoughts for two weeks, now."

"Breaking news!" called a voice as the screen changed to a recent debate shown in a building.

The news came on, detailing Devil Grit and his recent TED talk about the 7 Heavenly Virtues.

"Well, it looks like the one discussing the Heavenly Virtues is none other than…conservative Devil Grit! What a coincidence!"

She and Ron did a "ratings!" and jazz hands.

"Don't look at this!" yelled Caroline, waving her arms from behind the screen.

"I'm sorry to say, but it looks like your plan's departed on arrival," said Catie. "I hope you learned a good lesson here."

Caroline's eyes twitched, her teeth barred. "Lesson?! I'll teach you a lesson, bitch!" The princess and Catie fought fist and claw on the desk. Ron called for security.

After Caroline was kicked out, Agatha followed her wordlessly to the white limo. Devil Grit, Agatha, and Caroline rode back to the hotel.

Devil Grit lounged in the far seat, wearing an outfit of black with green stripes and green gloves on his four hands.

"Devil," said Agatha with concern. "I know you were trying to do good by doing your professional speech. But could you please try not to help society in public? Now people won't believe us when Caroline says that people are free to express their earthly desires."

"I'm sorry Aggy," said Devil from the other seat, "But I have a reputation to keep up. Helping the greater good is His plan for all of us. Besides, a good professional debate is a reasonable form of self-expression right?"

"Not to everyone," said Agatha. "What about the hotel? People are thinking that you don't care about Caroline's project at all."

"I do care, senorita," said Devil. "I just don't think it's going to be easy to accomplish in such a short time. So many angels are fixated on tradition, myself included."

"I do appreciate all of your help," said Caroline, still fuming after the interview, arms crossed. "But I will make this project work, even if I have to do it myself."

The white limo pulled up in front of the hotel, a pristine building made of glass and marble. The group got out of the car and stepped inside.

White wings made of rainbow scales posed as part of the structure on the roof. The stained glass windows by the door were decorated with apples, a tree of life, and many shades of blue and green. The sign above read "Hazbin Hotel" in big letters on the roof. Inside the lobby, a painting of Adam reaching toward God was displayed on the high ceiling. The hotel had seven floors with seven rooms on each floor. There was even a lab down in the basement which belonged to a frog man named Terry, the opposite of the demon fish scientist Baxter from Hell. A bowl of blue berries and blue raspberries sat on a table below a welcome banner. Aggy rested on a couch while Devil Grit munched on a granola bar.

"It's probably a good idea to stock up some more food in this place," said Devil Grit. "Good or bad, people always seem to be greedy when they're hungry."

Devil Grit pulled out a chart and went over probabilities and graphs regarding the hotel and the potential number of visitors. Caroline just sighed and walked away toward the door. She went outside and took out her cell phone, calling her mom.

"Carol cakes!" called her mother through the phone. Caroline cringed.

"Mom, I told you not to call me that! I'm not a little kid anymore."

"Sorry, I can't help it," said Lilian with a giggle. "How was the interview?"

"Meh. It was alright. I proposed my idea, but nobody seemed to buy it."

Lilian's tone turned more serious. "Caroline, why do you insist that everyone must go down to that horrible place? Why can't you just see the good in people?"

"Because," Caroline said, "Everyone has flaws and they don't realize it."

"Yes, but that also applies to you, too. Before you get involved with the lives of others, you need to look inside and critique yourself."

"I'm a princess. Everyone else has more flaws than I do."

Lilian let out a long sigh. "Young lady, we've been through this I don't know how many times. You have to push your selfish thoughts aside and just accept the way things are. It's part of a higher purpose."

"And what is this "higher purpose" anyway? To be His flock of dazed sheep, dancing around without any care in the world? To not experience ecstasy and adventure, even for just a moment?"

"That stuff is dangerous and forbidden. Thousands of souls would do anything to get up to this highest level of Heaven. And you just want to throw your afterlife away?"

Caroline paused in thought. "If it means proving myself and serving Him in a way I see fit, then so be it."

"You have delusions of what entertainment and happiness is, Carol. Sometimes, you need to take the time and appreciate the beauty that's in front of you."

"Other than my own refection, I don't really see beauty in many other things. Well, metal and watching battles…oh and tragic poetry…"

"You have a lot to learn, dear daughter," Lilian replied. "I'll leave you alone to think about it."

"Whatever."

"Love you."

"Love you too. Bye."

Caroline hung up and went back inside, shutting the door behind her. She leaned against the door frame, closing her eyes in frustration…trying to hold back a stream of tears.

Just then, there was a knock on the door. Two knocks, followed by five fast ones. Caroline got up and turned around to answer it. She swung the stained glass door open. From outside stood a man with a pale face, wearing a light blue pinstriped dress coat. A white upward cross was part of the design on his blue undershirt. He was carrying a modern microphone atop a staff in his left hand. His small antlers were white and his hair and deer ears were blue with white tips. He wore glasses as well. Caroline narrowed her eyes.

"Hi, excuse me…" he spoke quietly. "Is this…"

"Fuck off!" Caroline spat, slamming the door in his face.

She opened it again.

"…the right address?" finished the man.

"No!" she shouted, slamming it again.

"Hey Aggy!" called Caroline.

"What?" her friend asked.

"The crybaby Deer Man is at the door!"

"What?!" she asked, blushes appearing on her cheeks.

"Who?" asked Devil Grit.

"What should I do?"

"Well…let him in!" Aggy said, eye shining.

Caroline rolled her eyes and scoffed. She sighed and opened the door again.

"May I talk now?" the man asked.

"Sure, whatever," Caroline said.

The man held out his white gloved four-fingered hand and smiled. "Stalaro, it's a pleasure to meet you, miss." He walked in. Worry was etched on his face. "I saw your interview on the picture show and I was worried sick! I was afraid you were never coming back after your argument. I haven't been that upset since the 1929 Stock Market Crash!" He sniffed, "So many orphans…"

"Hello there!" Aggy called with a smile, staring up at him and walking in front of him. "I'm so glad you're here to help out my friend with this new hotel! I'm a big fan of yours and just being in your presence is just…" She swooned. "Oh just take me already you cute, pompous, talk show, blueberry pimp lord!"

Stalaro gave a nervous laugh, "Dear, I'm mostly into guys but I appreciate the sentiment." He conjured up a strawberry in his hand and popped it into his mouth.

Aggy deflated a little.

"But if I wanted to take anyone away…they would be gone already."

Stalaro tilted his head. His blue eyes briefly glowed with blue upside down radio dials in them. Electricity sparked around cyan colored voodoo symbols in the air. His eyes filled with tears, tears spilling down his pale brown cheeks.

Aggy watched in bliss, while Devil and Caroline rolled their eyes at the show-off.

Stalaro shook his head and his eyes returned to normal blue.

"No, I'm here because I want to relax and help out."

"Say what?" Caroline asked, eyebrow raised.

Stalaro held up his staff which glowed blue. He said with a sad crack in his voice, "Goodbye, is this thing off?"

He tapped it. A blue sad looking eye appeared in the center of the microphone. It spoke in a mechanical voice. "You're silent, quiet and unclear!"

"That's your motivation motto every day?" Devil Grit asked, crossing his four arms. "Pathetic!"

"Tragic and mysterious, I love it!" Aggy squealed. "It's like the opposite of announcing. It's denouncing."

"Um…you want to help?" Caroline asked.

Stalaro appeared behind them after morphing into light.

"With…" he spoke in her growl then his normal shy sounding voice, "…this random thing you're trying to do. This hotel. I want to help you run it, if that's okay."

"Uh…why?"

Stalaro choked a bit on his words. "Why doesn't anyone do anything? Sheer absolute lethargy! I've been partying around and keeping busy for decades. I would like to do something more relaxing and easier."

Aggy wrapped her arms around him in a hug. Stalaro blushed uncomfortably. "Please don't hurt me."

"I wouldn't dream of it!"

He gently pulled her off him. "My work became overwhelming, lacking focus. I've come to crave a new form of disengagement!"

Caroline rolled her eyes. "Does getting into a fist fight with a reporter count as disengagement?"

"No," Stalaro said. "It's violent and messy, not really my thing. Life is truly strange…reality, fantasy, true tragedy. After all the world is a grave, and the grave is a world of disengagement!"

Caroline brightened a bit. "So, does this mean you think it's possible to taint an angel?"

Stalaro sniffed and held up a hand. "Who knows? Anything's possible. Sinning, oh the vice of humanity! I think there's plenty left that can change such do -gooders. But then again, the chance that was given to them was the life they lived before. The reward is this!" He spread out his arms. "According to God, there's no undoing what is done…or at least that's the way it should be."

"So then, why do you want to help me if you don't fully believe in my cause?" Caroline asked.

Stalaro turned around to look at her. "Consider it an investment in ongoing knowledge for myself and others." He let out a small smile. "I want to watch the blessed of this world struggle to give into temptation, only to repeatedly realize and raise themselves toward the golden ladder of _success_!" His eyes glowed blue.

"Right…" Caroline began.

"Yes indeed," Stalaro said, both of them walking off to the side. "I see you taking risks and who better to keep you grounded than I."

"Ah, so what's the deal with Mr. Frown over there?" Devil Grit asked.

"Wait, you've never heard of him before?" Aggy asked, blushing. "You've been here longer than me!"

Devil shrugged his shoulders.

"The Techno Angel, one of the most complex beings Heaven as ever seen?"

"Eh, not big on certain politics and the arts."

Aggy sighed and leaned in close to explain.

"Decades ago, Stalaro manifested in Heaven, seemingly in one day. He began to catch the attention of overlords who had kept to themselves for centuries. That kind of attraction and magic power had never been harnessed by a mortal soul before. Then, he broadcast his adventures all throughout heaven just so everyone could experience some joy, tragedy and emotions. Do gooders starting calling him the Techno Angel, (as unoriginal as that is). Many have speculated what unimaginable force enabled him to rival our world's most ancient and constructive heroes. But one thing's for sure: he's an unpredictable source of silliness, a depressed spirit of mystery and a loving being of order…or disorder, the likes of which we can get involved in, especially if we want to end up aroused!"

"You done?" Devil asked. "He looks like a blueberry businessman. Or a shady con-man."

"Well, I trust him completely!"

"Do you blindly trust any man? All men?"

Aggy skipped over to Caroline. Stalaro examined a family portrait of Lucius, Lilian and a young Caroline in the center. Young Caroline wore a white dress with a turquoise top to it. Her hair was jet black, braided in black barbed wire, her cheeks had teal blushes. Her mother had long black hair and wore a fancy white dress and a round gold crown. Her father was dressed in a dress suit of white and blue, with blue and black stripes in the center below a white bow tie. He wore a large light gray top hat with a dove and a green apple on it. His cane also had a green apple on the top. Both of them were smiling, showing rows of sharp teeth, white wings folded behind them.

"Caroline, listen to me, you can believe this dreamer. He isn't just a sad face. He's a miracle maker, pure good! But… don't count on him to believe in your cause. He could be tainted and rebel, but we don't know that. He could very well side with God and your parents. And he's most likely looking for a way to hinder everything we're trying to do if it means following God's rules. But still, give him a chance. He's really sweet."

"I…" Caroline began. "…we don't know that. Look, he's a crying bitch, and he probably doesn't want to change."

Aggy put her hands on her friend's shoulders.

"The whole point of your hotel is to give people a chance! To have faith things will be better and people can embrace their flaws! How can you turn someone away? You can't. It goes against everything you're trying to do. Everything you believe in."

Caroline looked downcast. Her friend had a good point. She hated when people made good arguments against her. But it also gave her a chance to consider her thoughts. Aggy kept her grounded and added some cheer to her overall fake afterlife. Caroline smiled at her.

"You take care of yourself," she said to Aggy.

"Caroline," warned Aggy, "Unless you are serious about responsibility, do not make a promise with him!"

Demons often made deals with each other that often resulted in gaining power at the cost of one's soul or freedom. Usually the one who initiated the deal would gain advantage. A demonic deal was bad in and of itself. Breaking an angelic promise could result in rejection, eternal torture and damnation.

"Don't worry," said Caroline. "I learned one thing from my dad." She mimicked his low voice, "Ya don't break trust with other angels!"

Caroline marched over to the Techno Angel.

"Ok…so Stal... You're prissy as fuck, and you clearly see what I'm trying to do here is a too-dangerous risk. But I don't."

Glowing blue symbols briefly appeared around a concerned Stalaro, then vanished.

Caroline continued. "I think everyone deserves a chance to prove they can be flawed. After all, it's in their nature and the sooner they realize it, the better. So, I'm taking your offer to help. On the condition there be no lessons or lovey-dovey speeches made."

Stalaro twirled his cane and held out his smallest finger from his right hand.

"So, it's a promise, then?"

The room was surrounded by a pink aura as light spirits roamed around the walls. The wind blew against Aggy's and Devil's faces.

"Nope!" Caroline yelled, holding out her hands. The energy stopped. "No shaking, no promises! I…hmmm…"

She paused in thought.

"As Princess of Heaven and heir to the throne, I hereby order that you help out with this hotel for as long as you desire."

A moment of pause…

"Sound fair?"

"Fair enough," Stalaro said with a slump of his shoulders and walked on. His cane vanished. Caroline did a thumbs up.

Stalaro stopped and spotted Aggy to the side.

Aggy went up and tickled him under the chin, much to his dislike.

He pushed her arm gently away. "Frown, my dear. You'd be too fully dressed if you were a man."

He walked on, Aggy perplexed at being rejected. "Why does he have to be gay?" she mused, sadly. "Liking nude men…oh I could just swear right now…darn."

"So…where is your hotel staff?" Stalaro asked Caroline.

"Uh well," Caroline began. Stalaro peered at Aggy through his monocle below his left eye.

He stuttered. "You're going to n-need more than that."

Stalaro walked over to Devil Grit, who was sitting on a stool.

"And what can I do, my business fellow?" asked Stalaro walking over to the dark furred spider, blushing.

"You can suck a dick," Devil retorted in a grumpy tone.

"AH! Ok," said Stalaro, blushing and stepping back. "Can it be yours?"

"Fuck off," Devil added, pulling out a long knife from his belt.

Stalaro summoned his cane. "Well this just won't do. You want others to cause trouble, yes? I suppose I can cash in a few favors to deaden things up!"

He snapped his fingers and the wall beside the fireplace cracked. The circle went dark, the fire going out. Ice cold water appeared to fill in the circle and a shadowy figure solely formed inside. Stalaro walked over and removed the dripping figure from the water. A large single purple eye was revealed.

Devil, Aggy and Caroline peered at the creature. With a balloon deflating sound and a puff of white smoke, the figure was revealed.

"This little sinner is Klutzy!" Stalaro announced with a worried smile, dropping the figure.

A black-skinned short cyclops female landed on her face on the floor. She stood up with a grumpy look on her face. She wore a dark green skirt with a white stray cat off to the left side. Her arms and legs were white and stick-shaped. Several blue dots stood out from the lighter green color of her skirt. Her shirt was black with cyan paint spots off to the right. Her large eye took up much of her face; it was purple with a white pupil. Her sharp teeth were black. Her short hair was teal with a dark blue spot off to the left.

"I'm Klutzy," she grumbled, clenching her fists. "It's a waste of time to meet you fools. It's been a while since I made new rivals."

Her pupil narrowed from side to side.

"Why are you all men?" she asked. "Have any women here? Or video games? Screw this place."

She briefly picked up Caroline, then let go.

"Oh man, this place is boring!" she exclaimed. She ran over to a vase and proceeded to knock it over with her elbow. It shattered to pieces on the floor. She tossed couch cushions aside.

"It really needs a more manly touch, disorganized clutter's more fun." She grinned as she poured dirt from a flower pot onto the rug.

"Yes, yes, yep, yeah!" she yelled as she proceeded to break windows and knock down more stuff. Then she plopped down on a couch once the room was messy. "I'm bored. Make me some food or something."

Aggy, Devil, and Caroline looked on in worry, Stalaro just stared off into space.

A cat angel was working on a Rubik's cube with colleagues. His furry face was black, framed by white fur. His little top hat was white with a blue band across it. A big teal bow tie was under his neck, over his black furry chest framed by white fur. His wings were a brilliant blue, with black and red mathematical symbols on either side: the pi symbol, E = mc squared, signs for addition, subtraction, multiplication and division, among others. More symbols were visible within his two pointed ears. His teeth were sharp and purple and his long eyebrows were teal. His eyes were purple and sclera white. The angel placed a Rubik's cube in front of him. "Ha!" he declared in triumph. Read 'em and weep, boys! Full…whoa…"

He felt himself being transported in a flash of light to the hotel. Part of the science room that the cat had been in was merged with the hotel lobby…posters of the elements, the solar system and Biblical works of art.

"What in Heaven's name is going on?

Then he brightened when he saw Stalaro. "You!"

"Ah, Core, my old friend," Stalaro sniffed, his head briefly looking like it was in between antlers from a stuffed deer head on the wall. "You made it."

"Glad to see you, you son of the sun!" Core said. "I just completed my Rubik's cube after just an hour."

The cube vanished as Stalaro looked on.

Core raced over to Stalaro and embraced him in a side hug. The deer-like man blushed. "So, what can I help you with this time?"

Stalaro blinked nervously. "C-Can we snuggle?"

Core laughed. "I mean, seriously, why'd you bring me here?"

"My friend, I'm doing some dirty work, so I took it upon myself to volunteer your services. If that's okay?"

"You must be joking," Core said, laughing nervously.

"I don't think so, motherfucker!" Stalaro replied.

"You thought it'd be a great idea just to pull me out of nowhere? You think I'm some kind of tragic boy?"

"Maybe," Stalaro sighed, as crying sounds came from his microphone.

"I ain't doing no dirty work."

Stalaro appeared behind him. "Well I figured you would be the perfect face to greet and critique the guests at this fine establishment."

He pointed his staff off toward a stand with vegetable drinks as claps and boos sounded from his staff.

"With your grumpy cat face and love of solitude…"

Core lifted up the corners of Stalaro's mouth with his paws. "Aw come on, Stal. Don't forget to smile once in a while!"

His mouth frowned once he let go.

Stalaro walked over to the stand. "Don't worry, my friend. I can make this more interesting…if you wish."

He conjured up a bottle of catnip with his finger.

Core stared with wide happy eyes. "What, you think you can buy me with sad eyes and some cheap catnip? Well, you can!" He purred and took the bottle with him.

Caroline, Devil, and Aggy arrived.

"Yes, yes, yes!" Aggy squealed. "Brilliant idea to have healthy drinks!"

"No!" Caroline protested. "This is supposed to be a place that encourages sin! No some kind of, frilly, Zen, child's play…"

Devil rammed into Caroline. "Shut up! Shut up! We are keeping this!" He pointed all his fingers toward Core and the stand.

Core noticed Devil Grit and slid up to him. "Hey cutie," he flirted.

"Go screw yourself," muttered Devil Grit.

"Only if you watch me," Core joked. "Or more likely, Stalaro will watch you."

Caroline leaned in close to Core. "Welcome to the Hazbin Hotel. You are going to go insane here!" She grinned, her teeth sharp.

"I lost the ability to go crazy years ago," Core replied, sniffing the catnip.

Stalaro walked in, an ever-present frown on his face. "S-so, what do you think?"

Caroline ran over to him. "This is horrible!" she spat.

"It's amazing!" Aggy beamed.

Aggy leaned in close between Caroline and Stalaro, embracing them in a hug.

"This is going to be very disengaging," Stalaro exclaimed. Dubstep sounds emitted from his mouth as he stared around with worry. He stepped away from Aggy. "Caroline, I can't lose you. We can't lose you."

Stalaro changed his light blue suit into a black funeral outfit. He did the same with Caroline, Devil, Husk, Klutzy, and Aggy, who were all wearing black clothing from the early 1900s. The room changed, the walls now covered with Voodoo symbols, Christian crosses and deer antlers.

"Take it boys," Stalaro said. Light spirits appeared and played violins, a piano, and a flute in a sad symphony.

Stalaro sang his reprise to Caroline.

("Stalaro's lament Reprise")

_"You're on a mission_

_Your innocence fell_

_And it's so dangerous but hey, I wish you well_

_Yes your blunt protests_

_Will send you straight to Hell_

_And I can't bear to see you banished, or your soul up to sell"_

_"Don't bring your afterlife to an end_

_No matter what you say, I'm still your friend_

_We all have our wounds to mend_

_And you're vulnerable feelings are real, don't pretend"_

_"Inside of every angel is love and emotion_

_They have values and lasting devotion (devotion to God)_

_While you recruit those around_

_Don't be swallowed by the ground_

_The authorities can retrieve you tight and bound (no turning around)"_

_"Here above the sky_

_Spread your wings and fly_

_They'll spend a little time_

_Down at this Haven Ho…"_

An explosion rattled the windows. Klutzy saw a door flying toward her face and she broke it in half with a karate chop.

The room and everyone's clothing returned to normal.

Everyone looked outside and saw a podium in the air, held up by flying metallic eggs. A familiar snake debater appeared.

"Look who it is harboring the striped annoying opponent! We meet again, Stalaro!"

"Do I know you?" Stalaro asked.

Tears came to Senor's eyes. "Oh yes, you do! Watch this presentation!"

The eggs danced in the air, singing a song about Senor trying his best to rule Heaven. He read from notecards. "You all can't compete with me. Your hotel sucks. I…shall…destroy it…with… my…"

Stalaro giggled and blushed.

Senor looked up from his cards in anger. "Not like that, pervert!"

Stalaro snapped his fingers. A portal appeared and white tentacles shot out, knocking the podium off balance. The metal eggs knocked into Pentious Senor and he yelled, "Ow that hurt! Show mercy!"

Stalaro used a drop of his blood and the podium exploded in green smoke.

Senor emerged from the crater, arm shaking, fangs shattered.

"Shoot me with your ray gun," said a metal egg beside him. Senor face-planted on the ground.

Stalaro looked on, sadly while everyone else stared, stunned.

"Anyone hungry?" Stalaro asked turning around. "Please don't make me cook jambalaya. It's way too spicy and it nearly killed me! I much prefer tea and sugared strawberries, oh the way they melt in my mouth… but anyway, you could say the kick brought me straight into Heaven."

Stalaro lead the way back to the hotel, the group following him.

"Yes sir, new changes are about to take place. Now…"

Stalaro waved his finger at the lit up sign above the glass, gem-encrusted building on the roof.

The sign changed from "Hazbin Hotel" to "Haven Hotel."

"Stay tuned." He finished with low whimpers.


End file.
